Friday, September 28, 2007

Why Change Is Hard

by Life and Wellness Coach, Denver J. Hudson

Change is difficult for many people - if not most people. A primary reason for this starts at an early age. As parents, we work to create a safe and secure environment for our children (which is wonderful) and this safety and security often means an environment with as a little change as possible. In fact, parents work very hard to avoid change - to push it away - for as long as possible.


We really aren't taught how to deal with change. Often, it's perceived as the enemy. A nuisance. A disturbance to how life should be. And I think that is why people fear it so much - they haven't been taught how to deal with it. How to embrace it. How to use it. And yet, change is the expression of life. If we were able to stop change, we would be stopping life from expressing itself.

Think about how much of what you have been taught is designed to help you create stability and consistently in your life. Again, this is wonderful, but woefully incomplete. Have you been taught how to create change? Have you been taught how - in the midst of stability - to become aware of what needs to be changed and then know what to do to change it? Have you been taught what to do with your emotions and feelings while in the midst of change?

I have witnessed a great number of people who have established stability and "status quo" in their life, and many of those people are miserable. Many of them are lifeless, lacking in passion and a vibrant energy for life. Many of those people are going to curse life when the wave of change moves through and takes what they have worked so hard to establish. You see this everyday on this planet. We look at change with surprise and sometimes confusion, like it's not supposed to happen. Like it's evil if it happens. As if it were not fair.

At midlife, we see just how real change is. No matter how good we have gotten at establishing stability and safety in the first half of life, midlife shows up, and the waves of change begin. For some, those waves are gentle. For others, they are like Hurrican Katrina. But they do come - for everyone. And when they come, we discover - cognitively and emotionally - how ill prepared we have been for the natural changes of life. We realize that we have learned to dance with stability, but not change. And many of us panic.

One of the most important things I do as a Life and Wellness Coach is help people to understand how to dance with change. How to take this natural expression of life and to use it to ones advantage. It is not something to be feared, or to avoid. That only creates massive amounts of stress and distress. It is something to step into, embrace, and learn from. Learning to dance with change is essential if you are going to create your own life. For when you create desired experiences and results in life, you are also creating change!

Think about all of the changes ahead of you. Those life will bring you, and those you will create. Are you ready? Do you fear those changes? How would your life be different if you knew how to navigate change - and use it to your benefit - to the enrichment of your life? If that sounds appealing to you, I invite you to call me at (812) 299-0214 or e-mail me at denver@relationshipfitnessonline.com. I'd love to hear from you, and I would enjoy sharing with you how The Relationship Fitness Program will help you to become a professional dancer with change!

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Growing Into Midlife

Midlife is a dynamic time of life - full of many interesting transitions and turning points. One of the things that has become very clear to me is that very few people eagerly look forward to this time of life. Which is a change from our earlier years.

When we were a child, we looked forward to being able to do things like our older brother or sister. They seemed to have so many advantages. And we couldn't wait until that was our experience too! Yes, we looked forward to becoming a teenager. In fact, I am witnessing this right now with my 10-year old dauther who says that she's "10 going on 16." She wants to drive like big brother Nathan! Then she'll have freedom, be able to shop when she wants to... Oh, to be a teenager!

Then, when we get to be a teenager, we start looking forward to being an "adult." My oldest son, currently 18, is looking forward to exploring even more of his freedom! Going to college, pursuing a career... marriage, the full package!... Oh, to be a young adult!

Then comes the prospect of midlife. We've done it. We made it to adulthood. Got the goods. Got the career. Got the family. And suddenly, things begin to change. Going beyond this point just doesn't seem to be so attractive. In fact, for many, midlife isn't a very attractive time at all. I mean, how many people do you know in their 20s who are looking forward to turning 40? ("I can't wait!")

At midlife, something happens. We start looking at getting older not as something to celebrate and look forward to, but as something to avoid, deny, or turn away from. We begin to notice our health changing. Our attitudes changing. Our relationships changing. And the things we spent the first half of our lives acquiring or building up seem to lose their value, or begin to fall apart.

What I enjoy about my work is that I have the opportunity to work with individuals who want to embrace midlife, not as "the beginning of the end," but as "the beginning of new beginnings." The transitions at midlife present us with several invitations. Invitations that take us deeper into our selves. Deeper into our possibilities. Deeper into our relationships. And deeper into the value and beauty of life. This is a gift we often miss in the first half of our life, but stands ready to embrace us during midlife and beyond.

If you are in midlife, consider for a moment what YOU think about this time of life. How do you feel about being a "midlifer"? What does this time of life mean to you? What COULD it mean for you? One thing is for certain, we can only march forward. And for those that learn to embrace midlife and its many gifts, they will find themselves marching into a world with greater meaning and depth. Oh, to be a midlifer!

-Denver Hudson